I cannot tell you how many times I have heard couples express the fact that they felt their partner should be able to read their mind. Have you ever felt this way? Such thinking can lead to disappointment, sadness, and yes, at times, even anger. In order to overcome this, we must be much more specific about what our desires and needs are. Part of the problem, I believe, is that we are often afraid that if we really ask for what we desire, we will be rejected. Therefore, it is easier not to ask in the first place and to assume the partner is a jerk for not knowing and meeting our needs. Please talk to one another. Risk saying what you feel and need. Dare to be specific. A case in point. One woman decided to ask her husband for a romantic evening. This was risky for her. What did she get? A box of chocolates and some flowers. What she really wanted was a romantic evening at dinner and then a romantic interlude in the bedroom. Did she tell her partner this? No, she sulked and he was quite confused. Sometimes we discuss the "rules" but then we change them and forget to tell our partner. We set them up to fail. They can never win. Is this is happening in your relationship? You can stop it now. Talk to one another. Dare to be specific. Agree to listen and agree to ask for more information if you are not sure of what your partner means. Just as the word romantic has several different connotations, so it is with other words. Please help each other out, and in so doing, you help your relationship to flourish. |
